“The way we see it,” Major S’pense told the honchos sent in from D.C., “There just doesn’t seem to be any definable market for any particular product here in Buena Salida. Aside from these periodic festivals of religious delirium, the population seems to melt into a kind of placid nonexistence. Even everyday commodities like yams and sugar rot on supermarket shelves. The only activity we can find that they’ll do without coercion is this tribal music thing.”
“So this is the hook,” piped in Kern deTrement, resident wig from Seven International, “If this music’s the only thing these people will prick up their ears to, then that’s what we’ll give ’em.” Around the conference table, eyebrows raised in understandable skepticism.
“Dirk Veeren, here,” said S’pense, “has spent two years doing research on this native Buena Salidan music. He’s got quite a scheme going.” A ragged looking bearded type stood up then and addressed the assembled suits.
“When I first came through this part of the country,” Veeren began, “I was impressed by the vitality of the jungle music. I remember sitting on the fringes of our campsite, listening for hours as the drummers played. “When Seven International extended their offer for a foreign study grant, I jumped at the chance.”
Those assembled around the table, most notably the uniformed officers, seemed to be growing restless. A few checked their watches. “We started by recording every bit of the music we could find,” Veeren continued, “We sent teams way back into the jungle; places no-one had ever been to before.
“For the past 18 months, we’ve been loading the tapes into a computer model. The program cracks the music down to a digital code. Rhythm, mode, pique; it’s all represented in neat, predictable numbers.”
S’pense couldn’t help but notice how everyone’s attention was wandering. He stood and laid a hand on Dirk Veeren’s shoulder.
“And that, gentlemen, is where stage three of Project Rock’n’Roll begins. Our frontier teams have completed most of the first four installations. Later this week, we’ll begin powered-up testing. And we project to go operational by the first of the month.”
“Pardon me, Major S’pense,” said one befuddled senior commander, “But what exactly is the function of these outrageously expensive installations? If there’s nothing we can make that this backwards population will buy, then why are we dumping all this hardware into the middle of a rain forest?”
“If I may be permitted,” Major S’pense said soothingly, “I’d like to read to you from document C#366:” The panel opened their dossiers and paged through to the indicated volume: a xeroxed copy of a children’s storybook. The General sighed hopelessly as Major S’pense began to read them the story of the Pied Piper of Hamelin.
Main photo: Courtesy of WikiMedia Commons: FC meeting with FIB and Military officers
Author MONUSCO Photos.