There was much to do in Pixyland that day. King Raoul was to celebrate his Gold Jubilee, 50 years as monarch of this little kingdom, nestled somewhere in the mountains between the Kingdom of Oz and Never-Never Land. King Raoul had declared that this day was to be a day of celebration and to show his good will he promised not to have any political prisoners drawn and quartered. Not only was it the King’s jubilee, but the people of Pixyland were celebrating the first anniversary of the end of a seven year drought that had killed off 90% of their crops (Jujubees and Tootsie Rolls) and 70% of their population. The drought did have a good side to it, though. The Pixy children had 50% fewer cavities. None the less, all the pixies were decorating their split-level ranch homes with tinsel, garlands & life-sized plastic statues of King Raoul and his queen, Gladys. They also washed their Lincoln Coontinentals and drove up and down the streets shouting things like, “Horray for King Raoul!”, “Did you pass the Crest Test??”, and “The King is an Ozanian puppet!”
Needless to say, that for all his hard work to make Pixyland a better place to live, King Raoul still had to suffer through quite a bit of political dissent. He was a good old soul, not unlike Old King Cole, his father, to whom Raoul was often compared. The people would sing a little ditty that went like this:
King Raoul may be a fool,
But he’s a good old soul
Like Old King Cole.
The real problem in the kingdom was Queen Gladys. She and her good-for-nothing brother, Prince Clive, were always asserting their power in order to get what they wanted, and through shiftless double-dealing had managed to gain control of the bootleg videotape industry and all of the off-track betting in Pixyland. It was also rumored that Clive also had dealings with smugglers in Never-Never Land and had subjugated the nearby Munchkins to grow poppies for his so-called “pharmaceuticals” firm.
Queen Gladys was just about as evil as any queen could be. She was constantly exploiting the peasants, convincing Raoul to increase their taxes and decrease their wages. Before the drought, she convinced the king to enact a Lincoln Continental tax that had the populace in an uproar. One was forced to pay a tax for every mile that was driven. The people could not afford to pay so much to drive. When confronted by the press, her reply of “Let them drive Buicks!” rang out all over the land and was the battle cry of the Revolution of K⊕R⊕ 36, which was a moderate failure.
During the drought, Gladys kept the people of Pixyland quiet by stringing them along with promises to open up the warehouses, but she never did. At that point the people were too hungry and tired to start a successful revolution.
But today, something was up. Something well below the surface. As the royal Lincoln made its appearance in the main square of Pixyland, the PLF (Pixyland Liberation Front) shot up the motorcade, killing Raoul, Clive, Gladys and a four piece rock band. The people then did nasty things to their bodies (Raoul’s & Gladys’s, that is) and hung them by their toes in the square. The entire population then emigrated to Oz, where they were put into holding camps until further notice…..
