It was in the darkest hour
And upon the darkest eve
That I heard a maiden weeping
And I saw a maiden grieve
For the life of her lover
Had left him without warning
And she lingered there beside him
Softly sobbing til the morning
And when at last the sun arose
And cast its golden hue
In silence I drew near her
And whispered, “My love is true”
But the maiden neither moved nor spoke
As if she had not heard at all
Again I offered my words of love
And for her answer I did call
But no response did I receive
Just her breathing soft and low
As if not to awaken a sleeping child
It was then I turned to go
When a sudden fear swept o’er my mind
No! This thing could never be
As I gazed upon her lover’s corpse
And the one embraced was me
– Burnell Yow!






In the hollow echoing of a corrugated cylinder, spinning endlessly round and round, Dik Thompson ups the gain on his transceiver. His ears are pierced by a whine of inestimable vintage. Oooh. Feedback; shit! He wants desperately to get out of the dryer, wants only to quench the flame of that upstart young sociopath and go home to a placid evening tying his wife Harlan up in bonds of plaited gefilte fish. Alas, there’s 25 minutes left til his trench coat is dry. What’s worse; he forgot the Cling-Free. He can feel all the polyester in his life begin to clot and pull at this throat; “Papa, Papa,” it seems to be screaming, in a dialect just this side of Boris Badenov. You think Perkasie’s a weird place!