The Harlebur Year

Mom named you that. It
Was an adaptation from the name I
Gave you: “Harley Davidson.”
(You purr like a motorcycle).

So now it’s been a year.
I’ve aged one, you
aged seven.
Sometimes I feel like we could call it
“Even.”
Or maybe I’ve got you beat—it’s
Felt like twenty since
Mom left.

You caught that bat last
Summer, didn’t you? You
Didn’t even need the claws I had
Taken out of your forepaws so
You couldn’t rip that high-class
Furniture Mom and I bought:
Poor cement for a crumbling love.

Brought him straight down out of
Mid-studio air, didn’t you?
I don’t know how he got in.
Strong-willed winged rodent.
(Try to say that fast!)

You caught him. Mouse and bird.
All-in-one. I was
Proud of you.

Now you rattle the locked
Night chain when I come home to
The front door, knowing that the
Clacking-clicking of the
Chain on the steel door means the
Portal will soon be open to find
You sitting on the door-side stand
Nudging me with your nose, waiting
For you “Ho dare, kee kat– I
Missed my foofy tee tat ‘n’ it sure is
Good to be home here wif him” hug.

Ups, downs, “the thrill of victory, the
Agony of defeat” and through it
All you’ve been here with your simple,
Uncomplicated love.

Dante in Paradise

St. Peter: So your name’s Dante, is it?

Dante: Yeah, that’s right.

St. Peter: That’ll be ten thousand lire for the night.

Dante: Ten thousand?

St. Peter: He, Look. God runs a clean hotel. You don’t have cherubim leanin’ out the windows, you don’t have roaches crawlin’ on the walls.

Dante: All right.

St. Peter: A good time is what you get. Hey!

Dante: Hm?

mb3-1 Beatrice substitute accentSt. Peter: We have this dame here, Beatrice. Why don’t you give this one a shot? Blue eyes, yellow hair—you poets like them, eh?

Dante: Beatrice…

St. Peter: Room 777.

Dante: That’s on the Seventh Floor?

St. Peter: Just ask for Rolf. Madame?! — a customer is waiting.

Madame: Hello.

Untitled

Richard Dawson: A hundred people were surveyed, the top five answers are on the board. Name a type of establishment usually found in the ghetto.

Daddy: Welfare offices. BZZZZZZZ

Mommy: Police stations. BZZZZZZZ

Richard Dawson: Second strike. You have one left.

Sis: Cheeba joints! DING

Richard Dawson: Number two answer!

Grandma: Ice cream parlors. BZZZZZZZ

Richard Dawson: Third strike. Let’s see what’s up on the board. Number five? DING

Audience: Bars!

Richard Dawson: Number four? DING

Audience: Numbers joints!

Richard Dawson: Number three? DING

Audience: Storefront churches!

Richard Dawson: Number one answer? DING

Audience: McDonalds!

mb3-2 Robert Drew accent

Untitled Legendary White Dog Story

mb2-4 LWD Goes to Hollywood footer“Thanks,” he said as he got down on his knees to think about what he had just done. “I really can’t remember how it all started but I am trying my best.”

mb3-2 LWDog story accent 1He took a deep drag on the cigarette that Amanda had just thrown to him. He looked at the dog and slowly began to whimper. Morgan cried for a full fifteen minutes while Amanda and the Legendary White Dog merely stared down at thim from the rim of the pit.

Like Mike Mulligan, Morgan had dug himself into a pit and couldn’t get out. He had reached the point where he could no longer heave the dirt out of the hole, but kept trying, though, among flurries of pathos, only to have the dirt and sand come cascading down on top of his head.

Amanda turned to the dog and said, “Do you think that we should throw him a rope or something?”

mb3-2 LWDog story accent 2“Something,” thought the dog, “But I don’t know what just yet.”

There was, indeed a coil of rope lying by the edge of Morgan’s pit. The dog walked over and pushed the whole thing over the edge.

Morgan stood and stared at the rope near his feet. Then, he looked up at the dog and he laughed as the sky opened up and the rain came down.