Ste. Joan of Arc’s Night Out

(Joan of Arc)

(Gretchen)

King Charles wore his yellow suit.
You should have seen the dress Queen Isabel
was in. You talk about your putting on for
foreign dignitaries.

I’ve always wanted Faust to take me there.

Well, anyway, I slew the English army. I wore
my helmet with the little tassels, you know,
the one with the rusted visor, and then
I caught my banner on my broadsword.
I had to buy a brand-new flag. I mean I never.
Was I embarrassed!

You didn’t see Prince What’s-his-name?
You know, the one with those
lovely knee-socks?

You mean Duke Gloster? He’s English.

No, no. I’m sure he’s French. He parts
his hair like Luther does.

You don’t mean Raymond?

That’s him!

He was my boyfriend. I can’t see
how you thought he was a prince.

Well, anyway, I love his stockings.

The yellow ones? They ARE nice.

Potvin
(to Joan) Eggscuze me, Madame. Have not I seen you face before,
perhaps some centuries in Franz?

I slew the English army saving France, that’s right.

Potvin
Ah, qui. I waz young rookie with da Fransh der.
We play good war when Joan waz in.

Bossy
Eggscuze me, Madame, you would not know ze valiant Joan?

I am that Joan of Arc who succored France in time of need!

(Bossy and Potvin fall prostrate, bless themselves)
Potvin
Da very Joan!

Bossy
O succor us!

mb3-1 St. Joan Accent

A Typical Afternoon With Nature

I am walking to
the Li’l Arf
an’ Annie Pet Shop
To get some food for
This Newfoundland I share my one
room apartment with,
And I see a humane society truck
Run over a family of deer,
And I see a bull
Dozer tearing up the forest
in order
mb3-1 Afternoon with nature accent

To build the wildlife foundation.
When I finally arrive
At the shop and reach for
My alligator wallet, I see
The sign that says: “Warning”
Premises under surveillance
By guard-dog”. So I do not
Enter. I return home empty
Handed, except for these
Crocodile tears.

mb3-1 Afternoon with nature accent 2

Untitled

I turned over the cat care pamphlets one by one, observing their cover art with amusement. “Traveling With Your Cat” showed a scarved feline at the driver’s seat of a sports car. “Easy Ways to Housetrain Your Cat” had kitty with an apron on, cheerfully wielding a vacuum cleaner. I was reminded of Amy’s habit of inventing schemes carried out by her cats in her absence.

“Cats must inspire more anthropomorphism than any other animal,” I thought aloud. “Maybe it’s just that cat owners are a particularly rare breed. Or maybe I just have a weird girlfriend.”

Amy, curious at first, became more so as mention of her entered into this reverie. “Anthropowhat?” she asked.

“Morphism,” I repated, already having second thoughts about subjecting an old mutual diversion to scrutiny. “Maybe best not to open this can of peas,” I ventured. Realizing it was too late to turn back, I continued: “The tendency to attribute human characteristics to non-human species.”

Amy thought, then laughed, then frowned. “Oh, come now, you do that too.”

“I know, and I’m not utting it down! Look at all the cartoon and comic strip cats: Courageous Cat, Top Cat, Krazy Kat, Fritz, Heathcliff, Garfield. I think it’s because they’re so serene and deadpan that we can’t resist projecting this profound cleverness onto ’em.”

I smiled at Amy and hoped she’d never stop calling her cat, Raisin, “The President of CAK: Cats Against Kisses.”