He sat there like a junkie, pulling slivers of wood from the picnic table with the teeth of his car keys. Every minute that ticked off some invisible clock seemed to him like another crack from the lion tamer’s whip. He rubbed his eyes and tried to block the calliope music from sending him off …
Category Archives: Prose
Earth Mother Speaks on Controlled Substances
In a world that’s out of control, isn’t it nice to know that there are still some controlled substances? But geez, they’re so expensive and hard to get a hold of. However, every day that passes only serves to make me more aware of how much I need them and how invaluable they are regardless …
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Holy Writ
1. And there shall rise up out of the Water that lieth on the face of the Earth a great Beast. 2. And its Countenance shall be fierce indeed. For lo, its Girth shall be of an hundred and eighty Cubits. But it shall have the shape of an Rabbit. And it will sow Death …
Appeal
Morgan’s Folly
“It really doesn’t matter if we waste our lives in worthless pursuits,” said Morgan as he continued to dig even deeper. “I think that the important thing is that we pursue something.” The Legendary White Dog turned around to look in the hole. It was about nine or ten feet deep at this point. He …
Diary of a Mad Hobby-Horse
Dearest Diary – please don’t ask me how in the world I see my life as that of a hobby-horse. It’s just that I’ve had hobby-horses on my mind so very recently. Perhaps it may be that hobby-horses, unlike real human beings, need a set pattern in which to go about their daily lives. The …
We Are Delicious
Today, brothers and sisters, I want to talk to you about your future. “Happiness is intestinal,” sayeth the Lord. Follow along with me, please, as I read from the Book of George, Chapter 12, Verse 13: “And lo, the day shall come when the Lords of the Universe shall gather to feast upon mankind. And …
Jean Paul Sartre for Dodge Dartre
“In my journey to the end of night, I must rely not only on dialectical paths of reason. I must have a good solid automobile, one that eschews the futile trappings of worldly ennui and asks only for basic maintenance. My Dodge Dartre offers me this elemental solace, and as interior parts fall off I …
Chain Letter
This letter has been sent to you for good luck. The original copy is in New England. It has been around the world nine times. The luck has now been sent to you. You will receive good luck within four days of receiving this letter, provided you send it back out. This is no joke. …
Masthead (#2)
PUBLISHER’S STATEMENT Both people who read our first issue allowed as how we had the nerve coming off with all that holier-than-yall highfalutin hooey about how we were going to eschew the snide & smug conceit of other xerox mags when we were every bit as snotty and full of ourself so fuck it. The …